


The Storytellers Say

by MsJackofAllFandoms



Category: Queen (Band)
Genre: A series of one shots, Arguing in the studio, Brian may/Anita Dobson (mentioned only), Cuddling & Snuggling, Domestic Fluff, Fancy Dress Party, Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor/Brian May, Freddie’s cats, Gen, I Want To Break Free music video, John is mostly mentioned only, M/M, Rogerina - Freeform, Someone objects during that part of the wedding vows, Witchcraft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-10
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29952552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsJackofAllFandoms/pseuds/MsJackofAllFandoms
Summary: A small series of one shots from a prompt list on tumblr.Chapter 1: Freddie and Roger, argument in the studio, crackChapter 2: Freddie reacts to Rogerina slightly differently than other men. GenChapter 3: Freddie throws a fancy dress baby shower. He’s thehairyfairy godmother.Chapter 4: Brian is the unfortunate victim of a spell gone wrong. The solution's not exactly what Brian wants to hear, either. Gen.Chapter 5: Freddie has many cats. Froger.Chapter 6: After Brian objects at his own wedding to Anita. Implied Maylor.Chapter 7: Brian is trying to do work, Roger thinks Brian needs a break. Maylor.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Freddie Mercury/Roger Taylor
Comments: 38
Kudos: 35





	1. “Oh no, please, by all means.... Continue

**Author's Note:**

> From a list on tumblr which ao3 won’t seem to let me link.

**1- “Oh no, please, by all means....** **_Continue~”_ **

  
Roger glared at Freddie “Brian doesn’t need platform boots, he’s tall and sexy enough!”

Freddie scoffed. “And he doesn’t need any curlers in his hair, because his hair is already gorgeous!”

Roger squared up to Freddie. “The tops you make him wear accentuate his sharp features!”

“And when you argue with him,” Freddie shouted at Roger, finger jabbing in to the other’s chest to emphasise his words, “His face goes a delightful shade of angry red! I want to lick him like he’s an ice cream!”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to lick him first!”

There was a cough from the doorway. John was at the doorway, arms crossed looking very unimpressed with both of them, with a very bewildered, red faced Brian just behind him.

“Oh hey, Bri.” Roger said, but remained standing right where he was, flush with Freddie, unwilling to be the first to move back.

“Brian, darling,- Er,” Freddie looked at the guitarist apologetically. “Sorry- We were just.

Brian waved his arm at them and smiled proudly. “Oh no, please, by all means.... Continue.”

“Please _don’t_.” John said, with a facial expression that led no room for any argument. 


	2. I’ll beat you to death with my high heels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Most men have a certain reaction to Rogerina. Freddie has an entirely different reaction.

**“I swear to god, I’ll beat you to death with my high heels, if you don’t shut the fuck up. ”**

“Oh my sweet lord!” Freddie exclaimed at Roger as he came out of his dressing room. 

“Don’t”

“You really look the part, darling!”

Roger sighed and straightened the skirt as Freddie got closer. “Can we just get on with this?”

“You look so precious!” Freddie’s voice went in to a high pitched squeal. “I’ve never been broody before, but look at you! Like Little Red Riding Hood, but she lost her coat. Oh!”

Roger looked very unimpressed at Freddie. “I’m meant to be a naughty school girl, Fred, not granny’s favourite granddaughter.” 

Freddie, in response, pinched his cheeks and cood at him.

Roger batted Freddie’s hands away and backed away from him completely. “Okay okay, you’ve had your fun. Now-”

“Now darling,” Freddie said, taking Roger by both shoulders protectively, “If any man comes near you with wandering hands, I want you to run straight to me or Granny Deaky, okay? These men, they’re only after one thing and no darling daughter of mine-”

Roger groaned and pulled at his hair. “I swear to god, I’ll beat you to death with my high heels if you don’t shut the fuck up. ”


	3. The edible glitter might be a bit much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie's hosting a fancy dress baby shower. The theme is fairy tales and nursery rhymes. Froger.

**“I think the edible glitter might be a bit much.”**

The noise of the party could be heard from down the street, through his car windows. Not out of place for Freddie Mercury, but a little bit too much for a saturday afternoon _baby shower._

Roger let the hired valet take his car around the side, and went up the path, got to the door and rung the door bell. He didn’t have to wait long for Phoebe to answer the door, dressed in a blue velvet Edwardian school boy costume, with an over exaggerated chef’s hat. Roger himself was dressed a bit more simply, as the prince from Sleeping Beauty. 

He looked Phoebe up and down for some clues as to who he was meant to be, but found there was none. 

“Ah Prince Roger!” Phoebe said, grinning. “Come on in, come on in!” Phoebe ushered him in like he had never been there before. 

“Hi. Um. Who are you meant to be?”

Phoebe pointed to the chef’s hat and laughed. “Georgie Porgy!”

Roger couldn’t remember any version of that nursery rhyme that included him being a chef, but maybe it was intended with the puddings and pies like… Phoebe ignored his confusion and chattered on, first saying how he was so sure he’d come as a Princess instead of Prince and then moving on before Roger could explain his choice, to tell Roger what he’d bought the mother to be, then he caught Roger up on the morning dramas.

Then the host of the party, Freddie Mercury himself, rounded the corner from out of the conservatory.

Roger did a double take as he took in the sight before him. Freddie was dressed in a rather revealing version of a generic froofy fairytale dress, and completed the look with very visible gold and silver shimmer along his arms, his belly and on his face, taking accentuating his features to a whole new level. Roger laughed before he could stop himself. 

Phoebe, having better things to tend to with his time, left them to it.

“What the fuck are you meant to be?” Roger asked incredulously.

Freddie Mercury held up his arms like a magician’s assistant, as if that made it more obvious. “I’m the fairy god mother!” 

“Hairy God Mother more like!”

“ _Sexy_ hairy Fairy Godmother.” 

Roger nodded. “Yeah, yeah I can see that now!”

Freddie tutted. “Well I’m going to be Godmother- father- whatever the fuck I’m going to be, I had to dress the part.”

Roger nodded. “Yeah, no, completely agree Fred. I think the edible glitter might be a bit much, but no, you suit it.”

Freddie grinned, his whole face bright and happy. Roger loved to see it. “You bought me it, my darling Prince, I think it works with the costume quite well.” Freddie winked, “Shall I take you to where the expectant mother is?”

“Yeah. Seeing as it’s her party, it would be rude to just ignore her I suppose.”

Freddie laughed as be hooked an arm around one of Roger’s. Roger tried not to grimace at the mess it was very highly likely making of his costume and allowed himself to be guided, much like he had with Phoebe, but more warmly because it was Freddie. 

He nodded to Brian, who was dressed as Wee WIlly Winkie and sampling the Vol au Vons from a passing waiter’s tray, and then a bit further out in the garden, waved to Deaky, dressed as Humpty Dumpty going by his egg costume, and Veronica, dressed as Little Bo Peep. 

The whole garden was teeming with nursery rhyme and fairy tale characters, which just proved Freddie always pulled out all of the stops no matter what occasion. 

Was it any wonder why Roger loved this man? He then looked down at his costume’s sleeve as Freddie let him go to fuss over the woman of the hour, and saw smudges of shimmer left behind.

Maybe _sometimes_ , Roger concluded, but he wouldn’t have Freddie any other way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately "Sexy Fairy Godmother costume" doesn't actually exist (not a sentence I thought I'd ever say), as far as I can see. But think of something like this https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/564287028303012317/ except a darker silver, with capped sleeves, belly and back window with just sides attached, sheer glitter wings, low v neck corset and a more sheer skirt that's above the knee.


	4. I really hope I heard that wrong...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian is the unfortunate victim of a spell gone wrong. The solution's not exactly what Brian wants to hear, either. Gen.

**“....I** **really** **hope I heard that wrong.”**

Roger had his head cocked to the side as he wrote from the big, ancient tome in his hands. “Okay according to the spell book, we draw a sort of tumble dryer symbol, and then a backwards E on the left of it-”

“Your left, dear, or my left?” 

Roger looked up at Freddie, and then down at the floor, then back at the book, then back up at Freddie. “I don’t think that’s quite- as long as it’s exactly how it is in the book?” 

“I hope you’re right darling.”

Roger scoffed then went back to reading the book out loud. “Then it’s a star off to the side. Then, the book says we place the cursed one- sorry, _Brian_ \- in the centre of the circle, the one that’s inside the square like a dryer symbol, and then add a drop of the tincture on the cursed one’s- _Brian’s_ head and smash the rest over the star-” Roger looked up with a grimace. “Then the cursed one- Brian, sorry - chews the crushed crickets whilst-.”

“I really hope I heard that wrong!” Brian shouted, barely audible.

“Sorry Brian.”

“We’ll make it up to you, dear. Continue. What then.”

“Well, he chews, whilst the virgin chants, but that means me because virgin in this context means blood unused for rituals and you already said you don’t want to risk making things worse, and it can’t be Brian, so it’s got to be me.’”

Freddie sighed and shook his head. He had nothing to say to that, because it was all true. 

They both looked at the tiny version of Brian, who was sitting cross legged on the old chest a few feet away from them, looking up very angrily at them with his arms crossed. It was the least they deserved. 

They did rock paper scissors to decide their roles. Roger won, so he set to draw the markings from the book on the floor, whilst Freddie went over to the chest and held his hand out flat to create a platform.

“Darling-”

“Crickets, Freddie, crickets! Disgusting _and_ goes against my belief on eating animals!”

Freddie grimaced. “I know, darling. We’ll make it up to you, I promise. A nice curry or so-”

“This is why we don’t play with spell books!” Brian continued, “'Read the book, that’s all you said you were going to do-”

Freddie nodded. They had had this lecture before. The whole time Brian had been tiny, actually. “I know, dear. But, look, we’re going to fix it all now so, if you would just hop on to my hand-”

Brian grunted, stood up and stomped over and up on to Freddie’s hand. Then he stood there, arms crossed, mouth pursed. It still felt weird to Freddie, it wasn’t like any of the insects he’d held in his hands, not with Brian having two feet, but luckily it wasn’t a sensation he was going to have to get used to. 

Well, he hoped...

Freddie did not voice his worries and instead carried Brian very gently over to where Roger was finishing up on the floor, very aware Brian was not holding on to anything. He did not think it would improve the situation any, to suggest to Brian that he should probably sit down. 

Freddie lowered his hand to the floor so Brian could get off. Roger smiled encouragingly at Brian. “Almost done, Bri!”

Brian continued scowling. “If you make me any smaller I swear to god, Roger, you _will_ regret it.”

Roger scoffed. “Trust me, Brian, this _will_ work.”

Famous last words, Freddie thought, and stood back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've always wanted to write Honey I Shrunk The Kids type fic, and this might be the best I'll ever get.


	5. Is it even legal to own this many?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freddie has many cats. When it comes to feeding them, it can get a bit… hectic, if you will. Some may call it chaotic, others would call it dangerous to a person's health. Is it even legal to own so many? Froger.

**“Is it even legal to own this many?”**

Oh sure, Roger thinks, it’s lovely that Freddie has the company when he himself is away with The Cross. It’s great that there’s no personality clashes amongst them, and they all adore Freddie much as Freddie adores them. 

It’s great that there’s genuine enthusiasm from at least half of them when he returns home, and that they even fight Freddie for his attention at the door.

But dinner time for the cats at the Lodge can get a bit… hectic, if you will. Some may call it chaotic, others would call it dangerous to a person's health.  


It’s evening on a Saturday night, time for the cat's evening meals, and Roger has got one cat climbing his leg and another about to leap onto his head from a curtain rail. 

“I’m not saying I want to get rid of any, Freddie, dear-” He says, trying to get Goliath down from the curtain rail, and trying his very best not to shake Lily off but she is getting higher and there are claws heading towards areas where cat’s claws should not go near. 

“You better not be!” Freddie shouts, from his side of the kitchen where he’s holding Delilah like a baby whilst Gerry waterboards himself into his drinking bowl, getting water all over the kitchen floor. Again. 

Tiffany is lovingly purring at Freddie’s left foot.

“It’s just-” Roger continued, “I think we need some sort of system, for feeding them all.” Tom has joined in the japery and is sitting on his right foot, trying to chew at the folded hem of his socks. 

Freddie scoffs ungraciously. “You can’t expect a cat to follow a system, Roger, they’re not factory machines or soldiers in the army.”

Roger thought the well co-ordinated attack on his person suggested otherwise on that last part. He bent down to remove Lily from his thigh and decided to hold on to her this time, to keep her from climbing up his leg again. She lasts all of three seconds in his arms before she protests loudly and jumps out of his arms.

In response, Goliath pounces, there’s a screech somewhere behind him that he just knows is Oscar, and then fairly recent additions, the black and white twins - Bill and Ben- run at him from their cat perch and up on his chest and neck. The very newest addition, little kitten Aurora, a little sandy blonde ginger thing, comes out from seemingly nowhere and starts ferociously chewing the string bow on his slippers like it was the prey she’d been after all day. 

It probably was, Roger thinks. 

He sighs as he looks down at himself, careful not to dislodge his new head accessory. “I mean, is it even legal to own this many, Fred?”

“Of course it is, dear! As long as we have the room, which we do!” 

But that’s the problem, Roger thinks in exasperation, they do have the room,  _ across the rest of the house _ . But this isn’t the rest of the house, it’s one single kitchen and 10 cats are a lot for one kitchen. Even if that kitchen  _ is _ fit for a royal. 

He looks over as Freddie coos at his darling babies, and really hopes that the sudden warm sensation seeping into the sole of left slipper is an overturned water bowl... 

He sighs as he thinks of his dearly departed Ziggy. He never had this trouble with him.  



	6. You can stop with the confetti, now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian objected at his own wedding to Anita. This is the conversation with Freddie afterwards. Implied Maylor.

**“You can stop with the confetti, now.”**

Brian turned and got a face full of confetti. He batted it away and sputtered at the bits that had somehow made it into his mouth.

He looked at Freddie, standing there with one extended hand and the other one holding the faux leather pouch. “Why?”

“You’re leaving the church!” 

“The wedding, the one you just ushered people out of, just got cancelled!”

“It’s a lovely day and we’re all dressed perfectly for it!” Freddie replied, gesturing the gorgeous blue sky followed by their fancy wedding suits. 

“I just left my bride at the altar because I realised i was marrying the wrong person. Anita’s took the car to her mum’s, Roger walked in to the vestry and out through the back door, so I’m not sure _he’ll_ ever speak to me again, and the Priest is very angry at me because he’s missed the derby for nothing.”

Freddie took a few seconds to take that in, and then nodded. “You say that like it’s all a bad thing, dear, but look, statistically speaking, love is in the air for someone if not for you!” Freddie reached into his pouch and sprinkled more of the colourful paper everywhere, like he was a fairy sprinkling magic dust everywhere. 

Brian clasped his hands around Freddie’s open one, the one without the pouch in it. “You can stop with the confetti now, Freddie.”

Freddie’s shoulders slumped and he let go the super happy facade he was clinging on to. “I was only trying to be positive, dear.”

Brian sighed, “I know, Fred, I know. But this is beyond a cheery disposition and colourful recycled paper.”

The other guests started filtering out the door so Brian led him and Freddie around the side of the building and lent against the wall.

“What are you going to do now?”

Brian shrugged. “Well Anita said she doesn’t want to see me ever again, so I don’t think going to her Mum's to speak to her just yet is a good idea… Might need to give her a few hours at least.”

Freddie nodded. “Probably for the best, yes. If you show up there right now, you might leave missing a few vital parts.”

Brian grimaced at the implication. “Quite. I should probably find Roger, apologise to him for putting him on the spot. But I don’t think he wants to speak to me either.” 

“Give him time, Brimi. You did just drop a massive bomb shell on him. In front of a lot of people. In a church, of all places.”

“Not so much of a bombshell, actually…” Brian said quietly, feeling his face flush.

Freddie slowly turned to look at him. “What do you mean by that, dear?”

Brian fidgeted and determinedly looked down at the garden border by the fence. “Did Roger ever tell you about that time in Australia?” He mumbled.

Freddie shook his head. “No.”

Brian turned slowly and looked at Freddie. Freddie kept looking back, expecting further explanation. Brian’s look turned desperate, pleading. Freddie, suddenly realising, gasped in shock. “No!?”

Brian sheepishly shrugged. “Yeah. I only got with Anita to get over him, which I know is… And to be honest with you, Freddie, it didn’t really work…”

Once Freddie took all that in, he punched Brian in the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?”

Freddie scowled at him, which Brian wasn’t entirely sure he deserved. After all, his wedding was just ruined. “You, Maggie May, are a knave!” Freddie subsequently went on a rant about Brian being a selfish bastard who could have saved everybody the heartache, the humiliation, the time and effort if he’d have just been true to his feelings all along. 

Brian stood up, defending himself from the tirade. “Well I didn’t know it meant anything to Roger, did I? He didn’t ever say anything to me!”

Freddie rolled his eyes so hard that it looked like it might have hurt. “For a genius, you are very braindead sometimes, darling.” Freddie reached out and grabbed Brian’s arm. “Come on.”

Brian tried to free his arm from Freddie’s grip, but Freddie didn’t give and instead just continued to pull him along. “Where are we going?”

“First to find Roger and knock both of your heads together, then to a stationary shop for some really nice paper for you write the world’s longest apology letter to Anita and her parents, then finally we’re going to go buy some really nice bath products from John Lewis, so she can wash this whole day, and you, off her.”

Brian nodded and quietly went along with Freddie’s manhandling. He wasn’t quite sure what he meant about knocking both his and Roger’s heads together, but Freddie had never led them wrong before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The weakest one. Sorry.


	7. “....Why are you petting me?” / “If I pay you, will you please go away, and let me work"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian is trying to do work, Roger thinks Brian needs a break. Maylor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two prompts filled for the price of one. I really couldn't resist putting them together.

**“....Why are you petting me?” / “If I pay you, will you** **_please_ ** **go away, and let me work?”**

Brian was sat on the couch, the coffee table in front of him was _covered_ in books. Text books, reference books that were only allowed out of the library with extra special permission, and notebooks. One notebook was open on his left, half lying on top of an open text book, another notebook was open to his right, with a reference book opened just above it. Also there was a neat stack of exercise books taking up one of the corners, from the pupils from the school he was teaching maths at. 

He was getting an ache in his neck and cramp in his hand from writing, but he had to get this work done. He’d been struggling to find the right words all morning, unable to express his research in the right way that supported findings in just the right way. 

The back of the couch creaked and he found himself suddenly in between a pair of bare knees. He didn’t need to turn around to know who they belonged to.

Roger’s hands softly combed his fingers through his curly hair, careful not to snag on any knots.

He sighed and tried to ignore it. Roger gently gathered the hair up into a semblance of a ponytail, just using his hands and very gently let go again, making it feel like his own hair was raining down on to his shoulders. He shuddered at the sensation.

He very determinedly picked up the text book on the coffee table, knocking the notebook out of place, and slowly read through the words hoping for new inspiration. 

Roger, still yet to speak, put his hands on the top of Brian’s head and stroked down like he was petting the back of a cat. Brian didn’t say anything, wanting to see how long Roger would do this before moving on to something else, but the minutes went on and Roger continued still.

“Roger?” Brian asked, breaking the silence.

“Hmm?” Roger hummed in reply, still croaky and dry from sleep. 

“Why are you petting me?”

“We both like it, so why not?”

Brian laughed at that, but tried to remain stern. “I’m trying to work.”

“You’ve worked all morning, love, it’s time you had a break.”

“How do you even know that? You went back to bed.”

Roger’s hands in his hair paused, and then continued down another path. He again gathered Brian’s hair in his hands like he was about to put it in a ponytail again, and then let it go in a fan across his shoulders. “Because I know you.”

Brian sighed and reached back to gently extricate his hair from Roger’s hands. He held on to one of them for a few seconds before letting go completely and sitting forward. “I just need to get this done.”

“I’m not stopping you.” Roger replied, cockily.

“You’re distracting me.”

“ _You’re_ distracting _me.”_

“How am I distracting you?” Brian asked, in disbelief, “I’m just sat here, trying to get my work done!”

“You’re sat here looking _very_ intelligent, surrounded by your books, you’re dressed in adorable Christmas hedgehog pyjamas, in bloody _April_ , with all your gorgeous hair to play with. How is that not distracting?”

Brian sighed and pinched his nose out of exasperation. He also maximised on how big his hand was to hide his suddenly burning face. He breathed in and then breathed out slowly again. Going from the raspy chuckle behind him, he didn’t hide it very well.

“If I pay you, will you _please_ go away, and let me work?”

“No, but if you stop to eat and drink two cups of tea, I’ll let you work the rest of the afternoon and in to the evening, undisturbed.”

Brian bent his neck back to look up at Roger, who looked upside down to him, and was still a bit sleep rumpled in his bright t-shirt and shorts pyjama set that he only wore on the chillier nights of spring. “ _Completely_ undisturbed?”

Roger looked down at him from where he was still perching on the back of the couch. “Completely undisturbed. I won’t even pet your hair.”

Brian considered the terms and condition of the deal. “I’ll have a break every two hours, and you can pet my hair then.”

Roger laughed and nodded, “Okay, deal.” 

Brian nodded back and Roger kissed him on the top of his head, through the curls, before he sat back up. Roger clambered off the couch then turned to Brian holding out his hand, to help him up. 

He grimaced as his bones cracked and popped as he stood up straight, feeling all the hours he’d been cramped on the couch working. Maybe taking a break wasn’t such a bad idea...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this collection! I hope you enjoyed reading these ficlets as much as I enjoyed writing them.  
> If you'd like the full prompt list to have a go yourself, just ask and I'll try and link it to you.

**Author's Note:**

> A short one, I know.


End file.
